Sunday, May 29, 2005

Most Likely to Survive

A couple of weeks ago, a coworker approached me and said: "Congratulations, we've decided that of all the people on this floor, you're the only one who would survive in prison." I think my response was something like, "What?"

I was pretty much speechless since this seemed to come out of nowhere. I guess I should point out that I'm 6'4" and weigh 300+. (As far as I'm concerned, there's no need to be any more specific than that. Although, it bears mentioning that getting my weight below 300 during this year was a goal of mine, and considering that June is upon me, I really should get started. This is where the whole "bike to work" idea would fit in nicely.) So, I guess from a purely physical consideration, it's not too much of a stretch.

Now, I was selected "Most Athletic" during my senior year, but then they lost the picture, so I wasn't in the yearbook. Oh, well, at least I can now tack the dubious distinction of "Most Likely to Survive Prison" on my resume. It sure beats out "Most Likely to Get Gang-Raped" or other such nonsense.

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Blogger Michael said...

Most likely to survive could also mean most likely to be gang raped. Survival doesn't mean you are the biggest or baddest, but you are doing what every it takes to survive.

If you ever watched OZ look at Beecher, he survived but he was still someone's bitch.

I would say you could fetch a carton of cigs and maybe a joint or two, but that would be about it.

As for the weight loss thing, remember its a lifestyle change, not a diet. If you want to lose it and keep it off you can. But I think you should go up to 500lbs so Jerry Springer can get the forklift and rescue you from your Apartment and show it on TV. But the problem with that guy, was he died 6 months later.

8:11 AM  

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Revenge of the Science Fair

When I was in school, I may have done two Science Fair projects, mostly under protest. I really hated Science Fair projects because they seemed so contrived.

Of course, now that my daughter attends a school focused on math and science, she has to do a Science Fair project every year. She even had to project as a pre-schooler while she was there. Come on, she could barely read and write.

I'm sure you can guess what this means: My wife and I were doing these projects and explaining them to our daughter. Now our daugther is in 2nd grade, and while she can read and write, we are still helping her with the process and helping her with creating the project board. Well, we actually created the board for her.

Last year, "we" got an "A". This year, my wife feels that "we" deserve an "A". I just think this whole process is sort of a Karmic payback for my lazy-student ways of high school.

Damn the justifiable retribution.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now I know what is wrong with this country. Parents doing homework for their kids. Great, why not take her tests for her???

Having been in over 6 science fairs (going to state twice, taking 3rd over all on Soybean the wonder bean). I can tell you I had funny doing it all. My parents never helped me, and it forced me to be more creative. You could tell all the kids who's parents did it for them. What did they get out of it?

Let you daughter do her own stuff at her own level. If she can't do it, then she can't do it. If you do it for her, you are just teaching her that it is alright to cheat, lie, steal, and not give a dam because someone else will do it for her.

5:11 AM  
Blogger Michael M. Davis said...

Getting parents involved in their children's schoolwork is a good way to reinforce the importance of regular practice as a means of learning new material. Parental involvement is a necessary aspect of child development. Consider the impact of the child's household environment on cognitive growth. Are parent's taking an interest in the schoolwork or leaving a child to sit in front of the television?

If anything, we should bemoan the inattentive and uninterested parent. Sure, parental involvement has the potential to limit the learning experience, but so does complete disinterest. There's a delicate balance where the parent can become a facilitator to the learning experience. As parents, my wife and I have worked to maintain that balance.

By the way, what's up with South African airlines?

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While I agree with you that we should "bemoan the inattentive and uninterested parent" you are doing the WORSTE thing possible for your daughter. Doing her work just teaches her that she doesn't have to do anything, because someone else will do it for her.

I look it at it like the innocent Santa Claus lie. Most parents teach their kids about Santa and use it as "be good or else" type of tool. But the only thing I took away from the Santa lie, was that my parents lied to me, and when the told me not to lie, I view that as a lie.

Same with doing her homework/science project. Its not about winning or getting an A, its about her learning, which will give her a better chance in life.

And what about South African Airways they are everywhere like I am....

12:22 AM  

Blame the Victim

Yesterday, I parked the car near an industrial area not too far from downtown Chicago. I've been parking in this area for more than a year. Last night, instead of going to pick up the car right after work, as I normally would, I went to my brother's place. When I got back to the car, someone had broken into the car. Literally, they BROKE into the car. The passenger window was smashed.

So, what did this person get? They got some cheap sunglasses that had a corner melted, a couple cell phone chargers, a trash bag that hangs on the back of the seat, and the real take: a little air compressor. In all, maybe $50 worth of stuff.

It's not the stuff that concerns me, it's the cost to fix the window. Also, the idiot managed to mangle the emergency brake so that it won't stay locked. They left some change behind, and left some CDs on one of those CD visors. Oh, and when they stole the little trash bag, they emptied the stuff in the back seat: a wonderful collection of breakfast bar wrappers.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your insurance company will pay for the window 100%. Heck they will even come out and do it at your house. (Ok not your house since you live in the ghetto with crack dealers outside your front door). But normal places they will come out and fix it.

And if you leave anything in sight someone will steal it. Even your garbage. Lesson learned I guess.

5:14 AM  
Blogger Michael M. Davis said...

Yeah, I know the insurance company will pay, but it's still a hassle.

I got the window fixed yesterday, and it cost $85. It's not too bad. One place I called wanted $240.


$85 vs $240...

2:18 PM